i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
