So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
