Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
