it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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