Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
