Small penises have feelings too.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
