I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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