part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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