I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Sober January is a disaster.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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