i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
