booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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