White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
