I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
