SEEEEXXX PLEASE
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
