the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
