Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
