I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
