omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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