she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
