Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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