U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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