i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
