Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
