you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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