i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
where am i from again
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
