North Korea, Best Korea!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
