I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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