i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
