The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
