he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
