Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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