it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize