there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
