If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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