If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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