I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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