How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
