i think i scared a bird with my dick
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
