She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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