walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
