Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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