Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
