did you get engaged???
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
how drunk are you?
Several
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
