If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
