New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
