so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
