at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
