we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
