Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
