I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
