It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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