So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
