Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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