Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
