How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
